There's No Playbook: grief, leadership, and the cost of the grind
Evan Hughes on losing his mom a month after a VP promotion, the myth of the unshakable leader, and why there's no playbook for grief.
A month after Evan Hughes got promoted to VP of Demand, his mom passed away. At the same time, he had to build a team of 15. He told me he used to equate leadership with being an unshakable shield, perfect and without problems. That experience, the highest high and the lowest low happening at once, changed everything. He realized he just had to be humble and honest.
Now, he leads by example. He puts his gym time on his public calendar so his team sees that it's okay to disconnect. He even has Slack blocks for deep work, which he powers through with a little digital timer. He knows you have to make space for creativity, because the best ideas don't come from being distracted at your computer.
Looking back, he would have told himself to take more time to mourn. He thought staying busy was a good distraction, but it just prolonged the struggle. His advice is my favorite part of our conversation: Everybody handles loss in their own way and there is no playbook for it. And for leaders stuck in a produce at all costs mindset, he has a simple question: at what cost?
“Everybody handles loss in their own way and there is no playbook for it.”
Notes
- A month after being promoted to VP of Demand, his mom passed away.
- In the middle of his personal loss, he had to build a new team of 15 people.
- He blocks off gym time and 'Slack blocks' on his public calendar to model taking breaks for his team.
- His advice to leaders in a 'produce at all costs' mindset is to ask themselves, 'at what cost?'